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| Wednesday, October 17th, 2007 | | 4:04 pm |
I am a blogger
So, I went and moved to Blogspot. I've had an account there for a while, but nothing to write in it. I've decided to do a more professional-minded blog over there. I may occasionally still use LJ to get all emo (since I said I wouldn't do it there). If you want to keep up with me in my more-frequent musings on blogspot, check in at: dorkmanscott.blogspot.com Here's hoping I don't go fizzling again. | | Monday, September 17th, 2007 | | 7:29 pm |
Been a while...
Hello to anyone who still reads my LJ. It's been a busy couple of months, all in a filmmaking way. I was in Florida for the months of June and August shooting a Star Wars fan film. It's not my script and I wasn't directing (officially), but I did shoot it and co-choreographed the lightsaber fights with Ryan here in L.A. I really don't want to get into it too much right now, but it was a nightmare shoot (due to negligence on the part of the producers and "director") and I'm glad to be home. In July, on the other hand, I worked on another project that was also kind of a nightmare, but still a great experience. I had the pleasure of directing Ray Park (Darth Maul) in a concept teaser for a comic book adaptation called The Descendants. I couldn't post the trailer when it was done (ComiCon), because there was a website that wanted exclusive distribution of the trailer and the eventual series. But the deal's off and so I can post it wherever I darn well please. And so, I give you the teaser trailer for The Descendants: In one last, unrelated bit of news, I'm considering leaving livejournal and starting a professional blog, probably over at blogspot, where I already have an account. I'll let everyone know if that happens so you can keep up with me, but even if I do, I'll keep this account so I can check up on all of you. :-) | | Sunday, July 29th, 2007 | | 4:47 am |
| | Monday, July 2nd, 2007 | | 5:13 pm |
Emo post alert
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along
In the bitterness, and
I would have stayed up
With you all night
Had I known
How to save a life.
On the one hand, I'm intentionally being stereotypical here by posting emo song lyrics before a downer emotional post, and enjoying the humor in it. I will continue the theme by interspersing certain verses throughout the post. At the same time, it's actually cathartic to do every once in a while. The song lyrics, if you aren't familiar with them, are from the song "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. The lyrics above are the chorus of the song, and while the opening verse is a little too free-verse and cliched for my taste (for example, the first two words of the song are "Step one" -- there's no step two mentioned in the song), and the rhyming throughout the song is lazy at best (most of the words are "rhymed" with some version of themselves), I find the verses moving and insightful: Let him know that you know best
'Cause after all, you do know best.
Try to step past his defense,
Without granting innocence.
Lay down a list of what is wrong:
The things you told him all along.
Pray to God he hears you,
And pray to God he hears you.
The people reading this probably know who I'm talking about. If you don't, you'll get the gist. I'm not going to use his name here. For any readers who don't know who or what, let me say this much: although this person was never a romantic partner of mine, nor someone I had any interest in being so partnered with, I loved him very much. If we're being honest, I still do. And I probably always will. That's just how it works, I think. There was a time when thinking of him, of the friendship we shared, could make me feel happy and proud. Even after things went sour, I was able to hold on to that feeling, and remind myself of how great our friendship could be if we could just get through the rough patch. One of the things I resent the most about the way he's treated me for the last few years, is that he's managed to make me forget what that felt like. I remember that we were amazing friends. I remember the event, but I've lost my memory of the experience. I believe that for a time, until he realized that accepting love meant letting go of his pain, he loved me too. I think the part of him that loved me, the part that I loved most, is still in there somewhere. But there's some other person now with his face and his voice, whose sole purpose is to cast himself as the victim in any situation and make others suffer for it. He's got loads of excuses -- his father was abusive, his mother was emotionally absent, past girlfriends, high school social disasters. His life is everyone's fault but his own. I thought I could help him with that. More importantly, I thought he wanted me to help him.
As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours, and grant him
One last choice:
Drive until you lose the road,
Or break with the ones you've followed.
He will do one of two things:
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's "just not the same"
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
When our friendship began, we talked about everything, all the time. We stayed up late nights, trading off which one took the bed and which the floor, or each taking one of the futons in the living room. The fact that we talked is what made our relationship what it was. When things soured, we tried to keep talking. But everything I said got twisted and used as fuel, used to drive the wedge deeper. It got to the point where we couldn't speak to each other without having a liaison present, and even then most of the time the things said meant nothing. What I said fell on deaf ears and what he said was designed only to hurt as much as possible. Nothing I did was right. If I suggested something we could do to fix it, it was the wrong thing. If he suggested something, and I did it, it was the wrong thing because he "doesn't know what's best in this situation". If he suggested something and I didn't do it, it was my fault for not trying hard enough. This has been going on for two and a half years. I can say I understand from a psychological perspective. Intellectually I understand why someone really caring for him frightened him. I could write a book on how much I understand about what he's done. But emotionally it still tears me up. My brain understands why my heart is broken, but that doesn't make it better. I think it makes it worse. After this week, I don't know if I'll ever see him again. The part of me that loves him hopes I do. That part of me wants to take him in, forgive him and ask him to forgive me. I want to tell him that I love him and give him a hug to prove it, but I haven't even looked him in the eyes for nearly a year. And that's because the rest of me knows that the friend I had is gone. It's hard for me to cry about this. I cried all my tears years ago and my heart has hardened against the pain. I'm so used to it now that it's hard to get "upset" at the norm. Despite the unlikelihood that "How to Save a Life" will be remembered for its literary merits, when the lead singer sings the chorus (which is repeated about eight times over the course of the song), I can hear in his voice that he knows exactly what every word means. He has felt the same helplessness, the same desperation, and at the bottom of it all, the same hopeless love. This song matters to me, right now, because it makes me cry. And I desperately need to cry. Crying lets the pressure out, helps me wash the pain away, and lets me say goodbye. After all the hours, the years of talking, I think that's the only thing left to say. Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along
In the bitterness, and
I would have stayed up
With you all night
Had I known
How to save a life. | | Thursday, June 21st, 2007 | | 3:19 pm |
| | Saturday, June 2nd, 2007 | | 8:29 pm |
| | Wednesday, May 30th, 2007 | | 10:02 am |
Can someone explain to me
...just what is so damn special about the case of Madeline McCann? Don't get me wrong, the fact that a child was abducted is heinous and I hope they find her and catch the ones who did it, and if there's a Hell I hope they burn there. But when children go missing every day, why in the blue fuck has this particular case got the whole world jumping up and down? I just read that the parents of this particular child got a personal audience with the fucking Pope so he could offer his condolences. WTF! How many parents of missing children have gotten the help of maybe their local police force for maybe a few weeks before the case is given up for hopeless? How must this make parents like that feel? It's a good thing the world cares this much about this little girl, but I want to know why it doesn't care this much about EVERY little girl and boy. | | Tuesday, April 24th, 2007 | | 9:50 am |
| | Wednesday, March 28th, 2007 | | 4:20 pm |
Survey like burning
Questions courtesy of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) oneperfectverse( Read more... )Want me to interview you? 1. Leave me a comment saying, "I too am an egomaniac." 2. I'll then respond by asking you up to five questions. You will answer them, because you like talking about yourself. 3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them up to five questions. | | Friday, March 23rd, 2007 | | 12:36 am |
Also on that note...
Does anyone know how to make an LJ "friends only"? I've seen people do it. Going back to early entries, I've made some posts that are just emo as hell, and I'd rather people not run across them if Googling for me. Short of manually setting every post to "Friends only", is there a way to apply it globally? | | Monday, March 5th, 2007 | | 3:21 pm |
| | Sunday, March 4th, 2007 | | 2:13 am |
Pan's Labyrinth can bite my ass.
What over-rated bollocks. I'd seen it already and I didn't like it, nor see how people kept calling it a "masterpiece" of fantasy cinema. Tonight I thought I'd give it another chance. Ryan hadn't seen it and we wanted to get out of the house. I thought maybe I'd like it better the second time around. I really tried to convince myself it was great. Couldn't do it. Can't understand the hype. Shocked it was nominated for so many Oscars. It's just badly-written and poorly-paced. It's heart's in the right place, but that only counts for so much. Speaking of over-hyped and over-rated, my new lightsaber fight is out for those of you who didn't know. Go here to add YouTube hits: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-is63goeBgcAnd here to see it in Good-O-Vision: http://stage6.divx.com/content/show/1137289 | | Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | | 11:30 pm |
| | Friday, December 22nd, 2006 | | 1:11 pm |
Ryan vs. Dorkman 2
The folks at Mo's last night have already seen this, but Ryan and I have put up a sneak peek of our upcoming lightsaber sequel on YouTube. Go watch it. Then make all your friends watch it. If you haven't seen the original, you can find it (and future updates on the sequel) on our website, RyanVsDorkman.com. | | Thursday, August 10th, 2006 | | 3:33 pm |
Terrorism? Bullshit.
So this terrorism thing is totally going to fuck with my and Ryan's flight to Georgia, and you know what? I'm not entirely convinced it's even a real threat. Bush's approval ratings are lower than Nixon's, public opinion is starting to turn against the Iraqi War, what better way to get people back on his side than another dose of "OMG TERRORISM!!" The biggest issue is that there's no evidence that the terrorists who were arrested even exist. No names, no descriptions, nothing. For a HUGE arrest like this you'd think that'd be everywhere. No pictures of the arrests, which happened "off location" -- the arrests didn't happen at the airports and they won't specify where. "Maybe al-Qaeda affiliated, unknown origins, possibly Pakistani..." It doesn't sound to me like they were "tailing and waiting for these guys to make a move" like they claim. They don't seem to know anything about them. Sounds like bullshit scare tactics to me. To say nothing of: what kind of moron, oatmeal-brained terrorist cell decides to target AIRPLANES? The one thing people are watching CONSTANTLY for terrorists on? They didn't feel like going for trains, or a heavily-populated public area? Oh no, they went for AIRPLANES. This whole thing smacks of just plain shoddy bullshit fabrication. Also interesting to note, in the five years since 9/11 there have been no significant attacks on American soil (my whistling keeps tigers away). There have also been almost no attacks outside of the Middle East. The most recent attacks/attempts have both been in Great Britain. We know that Tony Blair and Bush are in the same bed when it comes to this bullshit war on terror, interesting that England should be the sole target. Now, you could always argue that it's that way BECAUSE of their outspoken stance against terror...but I dunno. I'm not 100% conspiracy theorist on this right now, but it doesn't sit right with me. I don't think I buy it. | | Friday, July 21st, 2006 | | 7:59 am |
Gay Bar Follow-Up
So it's been like a week since the excursion to Oil Can and I'm sure you guys are all wondering how that went. Well, Ryan and Brian both came along to keep me company at my first gay bar. When we got there they were teaching line dancing, so there was no music, just a lispy guy on stage walking them through "kick-ball-chain" over and over. No one there was under 40, nor particularly cute. Although there were some REALLY hot pictures on the wall, which were pointed out to me by Brian, as even he was impressed by them. I didn't really want to have to deflect any come-ons by any of the patrons (or, worse yet, not get any at all and feel all rejected by a bunch of middle-aged homos), much less subject my supportive-yet-awkward straight friends to it, so we left after like three minutes. The doorman, a large hairy man (what my people call a "Bear") on the way out called after us in THE fruitiest voice I've ever heard "What, you don't like cowboys? Well, tomorrow's disco!" So, being in a bargoing mood as we were, we decided to try to find something else. Leah was on her way up to join us for the gay bar, and when we told her we bailed and decided to go to another bar, she suggested Amagi's, a karaoke bar in the area. We first went back home so Brian could change out of his cowboy boots (he got hisself ALL dolled up), and when Katie heard we were doing karaoke she decided she wanted to come after all. And Amagi's was awesome. Soooooo much fun. Of course I wound up getting up there after a few drinks. I sang Blind Melon's "No Rain" with Leah, and then towards the end of the night I sang Santana's "Smooth" flying solo. I love you Leah! There were some real characters there. I loved it. We're totally going back. Unfortunately, starting this weekend and through August I'm going to be out of town every single weekend. But in September, we're going to Amagi's again! Stay tuned... | | Wednesday, July 12th, 2006 | | 12:16 pm |
Gay Bar Update
Okay, the bar is called Oil Can Harry's. It opens at 9PM. Line dancing lessons start at 9:15PM. No cover charge. Dress code does not HAVE to be Western. My friend tells me jeans and a T-shirt or button-up are fine. 11502 Ventura Blvd Studio City, CA 91604 Their website is amazing just because of the embedded music. http://www.oilcanharrysla.com/We can meet at my place or at the bar. Leah at least is confirmed. Be glad to see you there, Greg and Brian. And of course anyone else who feels like it. This is my "Retirement Party" in a way, since it'll be the night after my last day of work. So big fun! | | Monday, July 10th, 2006 | | 4:00 pm |
I want to go to a gay bar this weekend
I found one near where I live. Like, two miles away. A friend of mine tells me that it's a friendly atmosphere, and it's a Western-themed bar so he says there's hot cowboy-types all over. I don't want to go alone, though, and my friend says he probably has plans for Friday (when I plan to go). I've never been to a bar -- even a straight one -- and I'd be way too nervous if I went alone. Anyone want to come with me? | | Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 | | 9:50 am |
Two other things about the buyout
1) One of my coworkers called me over to his desk to ask if I knew how to erase webpages from showing up in the browser drop-down menu (like, when you type in a URL, ones you've been to before pop up below it as suggestions for what you might be trying to visit). Why did he want my help? Because he needed to eliminate worldsex.com from his browser's memory. Awesome. 2) My new supervisor is actually pretty cute. Late 20s/early 30s. I keep forgetting to check if he has a ring on his finger. Probably straight anyhow. Still, another bonus from this situation. | | Monday, June 12th, 2006 | | 7:42 pm |
So I'm totally going to get fired soon
Like the subject line says. See, back in April, another engineering company announced their intent to acquire Sweeney Engineering, where I've been working for the last year. The company is based out of Cleveland, Ohio, and intends to merge Sweeney into their Cleveland facilities. Today was the official transfer of ownership, and the announcement was officially made. The office jobs, which I assume includes mine since I sit at a desk at a computer, are going to be transferred to Ohio over the next 45-90 days. Now, that means that's how long it will take to FINISH the transfer. No less than 45 days. But that doesn't mean they won't START well before. By this time next week, I could be unemployed. Now, I've never posted about my job. Ostensibly, I'm a drafter there. I'm supposed to either draw the parts that we make for manufacture, or, more often, make amendments to existing drawings. That's the job description in theory. However, the other guys have been there for 10 years or more, and I'm only just coming up on one (I started in August last year). Basically, for the most part, unless it's a really simple change, they tend to see it as being easier to do it themselves than to take the time to explain to me what they need. When they DO give me work to do, it's so simple I typically get it done in an hour or less. Two hours if I REALLY stretch the time. What that means is me sitting at my desk, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, being paid full-time wages ($18/hour), and receiving full medical and dental insurance benefits, and doing absolutely nothing. Now, that probably sounds like a pretty sweet deal, and in a lot of ways it is. But at the same time, it's in Gardena, 26 miles away from where I live, and the exact stretch of 405 I take (from the 101 to around the 91) is said to have the worst traffic not in the city, not in the state, nay, but in the ENTIRE COUNTRY. And when I go in, I'm not even doing work, and I still get paid. I get bored. I feel like I've exhausted the entertainment possibilities of the internet. I really have no motivation to go in. It's all kind of a charade. I was told when I got hired that sick days are unpaid. Yet I've taken dozens of sick days and been paid for every one. Even less motivation to go in. Frankly, I'm ecstatic about this. I'll be getting a severance package equal to 4 weeks' base pay (a bit over $2800) and any unused accrued vacation time, which I think is only two days so far but hey, that's another $300 and change. Additionally, I'll be eligible for unemployment, which is calculated as about 60% of my current income -- the equivalent of $11 an hour, full-time. I figure I'll cruise on that for a little while while I figure out what I want to do next. Do some writing. Watch some movies. Get more exercise. Maybe take some unpaid internships in the film business just to build my resume. Make a visual effects demo reel and see if I can shop it around. Take some freelance assignments as a cameraman or a writer or heck, see if I can get some acting work. Or something else, we'll see. Anyway, that's coming up. |
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